Now is the Time for Love

Solutions, not Answers

Simplicity, not Controversy

Reach Out NOW

I have not published anything of thought in some time, most likely because becoming and evolving as a parent will humble you to no end. At just over 5 years old, my son, Alexander, is already beating me in logical consistency - and that it is even close given I have 6x his experience leaves me with the thought, “what could I have to offer that a 5 year old couldn’t come up with?”

Solutions, not Answers

My daughter, Inara, 2, gets this concept. When something goes wrong, she cares not the cause. She wants her way, and will stop at nothing to find out what she has to do. This is often taken with a negative connotation, but I try to see it for what it is - simply a tendency, a way of approaching life. And one, that combined with the logical consistency of her brother, and you just might be on to an approach to this situation.

Simplicity, not Controversy

If my children’s contribution is to logically focus on solutions, then mine would be to focus on the simple, not the controversial. Are there controversial topics to be discussed? Hell yes there is. Is now the best time to answer those tough questions? While we are all very emotionally riled up? Probably Not. So let’s not. Let’s promise to though, okay? Seriously. Let’s set a date, 1 year from now, let’s promise to really revisit and begin diving into the nitty gritty of it all. But in the year leading up to then, let’s start simple. Cause Lord knows, we have a lot of small things that need fix’n too.

Reach Out NOW

I’ve left only one source of truth out, and that is my wonderful wife, Sunshine. Believe, and be supportive of those closest to you. It’s that simple. Being who I am, I’m much more suspicious by nature - and often this is a necessary thing, but oh how I look for ways to put it away one day. It then becomes a balance, but there is one thing I do know, right now is not the time for suspicion.

#Nowisthetimeforlove

So I urge you to contact one person that means something to you - doesn’t have to be the one that means the most - who it is is up to you. Just reach out. Call, text, email, snap, vine, whatsapp, line, or heck, meet and talk face to face with someone that matters TODAY. Will it solve all the problems? Nope, I highly doubt it. But will it put us in a clearer state of mind to think about how to be more compassionate going forward? Me thinks it’ll help. Shoot, I bet if everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, who saw this did it, it would have a measurable impact on society.  Just a hunch, but if you don’t believe me, then prove me wrong - go ahead, you’re on the internet, you know you want to prove me wrong. But nah, for real though, just, for a day, be your most compassionate self, chat with someone that means a lot to you, and do you.

Words of Wisdom: Role Playing

Sometimes you find inspiring messages in the unlikeliest of places.

While watching Reign last night with my wonderful wife, I was reminded that while society will push us as individuals to play certain roles, it does not necessarily dictate that we actually believe in those roles, even if we appear to be playing them. Set in a time period where gender roles are blatantly outlined (not that they aren't today, but we often lie to ourselves about their existence), it shined light on our propensity, even when well intentioned, to take the limits put on us as absolute. 

"As the King's wife, you must know your place," said King Francis (or something to that effect)

Assuming the best of modern day society, let's pretend a phrase so blatant is never uttered in our modern day (a laughable joke, but stay with me). Why does something like this sting our sense of equality? Maybe because we have come to learn that valuable opinions and actions are not restricted by gender.

And yet...

It is just as common place for women to think of men, "Ah, X day of the week, yes, the couch in front of a X sports game is your place," or for men to think of women, "Ah, X time during X day of the week, watching X soap opera is your place,". First, it pains me to even write gender based stereotypes, but again, ignoring the fact that different genders can like both activities, it is none the less still a known stereotype (as I imagine your reading these assumptions is not a revelation of something you've never heard before). But second, as long as we think in stereotypical terms, we lose out on the opportunity to connect with our partners as individuals. 

As it so happens, on Sundays (or Mondays or Thursdays), I do enjoy watching the Packers kick butt.

As it so happens, on Thursdays (or other days on demand), Shine does enjoy watching Reign, Vampire Diaries, etc.

But this has nothing to do with her being a woman, or my being a man. She as an individual enjoys certain activities. I as an individual enjoy certain activities. As individuals, the activities we enjoy are windows into our soul, speaking volumes about who we are. And as she and I together, are ourselves an embodiment of unity, these activities are also windows into different parts of ourselves. 

And so, Sunshine also enjoys watching the Packers clinch a game with 3 seconds left. 

And so, I also watching Damon outwitting his opponents time and again. 

The fact of the matter is, with my working full time as an identifier of talent at work, and her working full time as a cultivator of human life in the home, while we may appear to look like your stereotypical husband and wife, filling our appropriate gender roles, we are anything but. 

We value love and teamwork

We see potential for creating a better environment for our kids

We will not forsake an opportunities to do so because they appear stereotypical

Through our life, we communicate with one another constantly - sometimes better than other times. But it is never lost on either of us that we will do everything in our power to attain our common goals. And we will never lose sight into the fact that we aren't entirely separate individuals. 

I say all this to say, we are fortunate enough to know each other, and to love each other in such a way that we enjoy each others passions. This is not necessarily for everyone. However, if you are in a relationship, I encourage you to try playing a role along side of your partner. It's quite rewarding to join in, and who knows, you may see your partner play a role differently than you might have expected them to, and you may even enjoy it yourself =) 

Happy Daddy's Day 2012

An enlightened friend of mine once posed the question, How do you balance order and freedom? Being the smart alec that I am, my quick answer was, "It depends on the desired outcome." While I wholly believe in the truth of this response, even in it's brevity, I would like to take this meaning of this day to expand upon what it entails.

As a father...

• I conform to the order of the world just enough to allow my child(ren) the freedom to make mistakes. 
• I order my daily activities for efficiency so that my family time has the freedom to live in the moment.
• I try to keep a first aid cabinet (and health insurance) in just enough order to allow them the freedom to experience pain with minimal worry. 
• I wish to act in a way such that my spousal relationship is in order so that those around us have the freedom to learn what love is.
• I will never order, demand, or enforce any personal desire out of respect for freedom.

And these are just a few of the lessons I've learned from a man who, when he was without work, helped others to find freedom that comes from their labor; a man who, when he was without health, responded with an openness to allow the universe the freedom to run its course; a man who, when he was far from family, allowed them freedom to find their own path, wherever that would lead them. 

Random as life may seem, Dad, every path in my life continues to bring me back to you. For this I am forever grateful.

Happy Daddy's Day

The Best Imitator in the World

is a child.

*     *     *

I recently returned from a beautiful road trip covering 1241 miles, (nearly 27 hours of driving, with a 14 month old), many along the California coast line. And while many thought my wife and I were a little on the loopy side for attempting such a trek with our little one, we both love road trips and we knew our children would have to be raised to love them too. And what a great start.

With so much fodder for discussion, I would like to take a moment to focus on one piece in particular that stuck out at me in the end. As any parent can tell you, if you are around a 1 to 3 year old, expect everything you do to be imitated, only more bluntly and with a better performance. And while many may joke about having to hide certain habits, lest their child repeat them, for one week my wife and I were inseparable from our child. That's roughly 200+ hours straight with the little guy.

And what a wonderful opportunity. If he is going to copy just about everything I do, then rather than attempt to hide my bad habits, why not discard them? In truth, if it is a habit that I wouldn't want him doing, thus I have to spend time away from him to do it myself, then it is serving all sorts of evil ends. Instead, for 10 days conduct myself exactly how I would like him to act. For me, one of my biggest issues is email. Being that it is part of my work, I am constantly on it, for both business and personal use. But both prohibit me from being in the moment with him if he is around. Even checking a quick message on my phone takes my mind away from being able to Live in the Moment (Thanks again Jason Mraz =) with Sunshine and Alexander. And while others may have the ability to multitask far better than I, I recognize I do not multitask well, and I learn to compensate for it.

When it comes to projects, I have lists upon lists for prioritization. A couple of things missing from nearly all of them comes my family. This comes not from an absence of them on my priority scale, but rather, they are the heading, the end goal, of each. If a particular project or action does not in some way contribute to my family, then it does not deserve my time. With email/messages, I've gotten fairly good at reserving it for times where Shine and Alex are sleeping or busy, but even checking it throughout the day has it's toll on my attention span. During the past 10 days, I checked email maybe twice, and only skimmed it for dire messages, then logged out. And while, in theory, it seems harmless enough to even reserve checking with the outside world to only once a day, I cannot accurately describe the difference, the impact, the longer time span has had.

Sunshine and I have been together for quite some time, in fact, since before the dawn of everyone and their mother and child has a cell phone. We've had time to bond like this before. But since AJ was old enough to properly have his sight, I've been back at work. Even holiday weekends meant time with the broader family, not nuclear family bonding time. So for us, this trip was particularly eye opening. At no point in the day did he have to face the reality that daddy has to go off somewhere. At no point in the day was my mind focused on the fact there is a life outside of these 10 days.

And now, the trip has come to an end. I'm at the desk checking my email again and, alas, there is life outside of the past 10 days. And what wonderful wonder that life goes on. Tomorrow, Monday, does not entail an end to what has transpired, but like all times in life, will find a home in a recess somewhere in our minds and our hearts. Good habits cultivated will continue. Strengthened bonds will continue to grow even stronger. And every time I sneeze, AJ will laugh, because it's pretty funny.

Sensual Pleasure

"Saw you on a Sunday afternoon 
Riding the B train 
Yes, I was coolin' on the train 
You had an air about you I had to know and soon 
First sight and I didn't 
Even mind the rain! 

Your glow was the ailment to all my pain inside 
I sat beside your body and asked your name 
Your fragrance made it hard to explain my plight 
Of how you're driving me insane"


~ Jezebel ~ Boyz II Men ~


First, yes, Boyz II Men, I went there. But what better inspiration can I use to make a plea to promote music that is genuinely sensual in nature? I am not here to say that this particular music be held at an esteem higher than other types. I just simply enjoy it and it is my wish to hear it played everywhere I am. For that is what would be totally awesome for me. 


And the question is often asked to any one who listens to music as often as I do, What kind of music do you like. I've always had a hard time answering this question because my immediate thought is good music. Plain and simple. Of course that is both true and useless at the same time because it is so reliant on such a highly contingent variable as taste. And lately I've re-fallen in love with Jason Mraz at the release of his most recent album, Love Is A Four Letter Word. But even with Jason's music, I had difficultly isolating the amazing factor, so to speak. But on the way home tonight, I choose not to chose and set my iPod on shuffle and this above song by Boyz II Men came on, and this lyric in particular stood out to me and then it hit me. I like sensual music, and by that, I mean that when I listen to it, every sense I have (the normal five plus intellect) is experiencing a sense of pleasure, or at the very least, positive neutrality. 


The lyric is sung in a rhythm and melody that, to my taste, makes my body (touch) sway just so; the talk of scents and sights excite my eyes and nose; even my mouth is involved, if only to utter the ever stressful introductory question, "what's your name?". Their voices are soothing and their word choice invigorates my imagination and my intellect, too, is considered. All in all, a lovely song. Much like many of my favorite songs across genres, from this one, to more contemporary artists like Jason or even classical ones like Beethoven.


And so, admitted though it may not always be appropriate to say to someone I've just met, the best I answer I can give to the question, What kind of music do I like? is music that offers sensual pleasure - in just the way I've described above. 

A Renewal of Appreciation

9 months ago I started a blog.
8 months ago I published my last entry...

Today, however, I am starting anew.

Before I had a focus on building a set of axioms to live by and while I can appreciate the advantages of such an angle, for now it does not fit my situation. At this juncture, no amount of will power of my own, nor direction of my loved ones can be held accountable for the amazingness that is right now. It is far beyond such a small scope. Through much thanks to the alignment of the entire universe, I feel myself to be in a position of no complaints. This is not to say that I don't have any complaints, but simply that I am in no position to actually dwell on them, or really give them any sort of credibility whatsoever. This is not because they are without merit - in and of themselves they are burdens to bear, that you can be sure of. But if I have learned anything over the course of my lifetime, it is that what you see depends as on much on what you think, as it does what is there. As a practice, I would like to go through three recent occurrences and my take on them.

First, the bad:

January 15th, 2012
New York Giants: 37
Green Bay Packers: 20

Let's just get it out in the open. As a co-owner, along with my wife and countless, committed fans, it was a disheartening day. It was not what the season amounted too and was not the best our team had to offer.

However, what cannot be ignored is the the true tragedy surrounding Joe Philbin, their offensive coordinator. To first have your son go missing, only to find him a week later dead in a river is something I cannot pretend to comprehend. When Alexander was born, there were complications to say the least. I struggled to make it through those trying days and I had yet to even meet him at that time. Now that we've gotten to know each other, to grow with each other, I am even further from imagining separation. Furthermore, while I can attempt to illustrate with words the bond between a father and his son, the thought of losing my partner... I cannot tell you what that means.

And fortunately I don't have to, but others have. As such, it is not my position to say, "Cheer up!" or, "Look at the bright side." No, rather, what I do is live my life as they would have, if they could have. Living every day with the full understanding of the blessing that it is and hopefully I will run into someone throughout my day who doesn't have a reason to smile - who knows, in me, she or he might find a one!

The Neutral:

I have a 30-75 minute commute to work - more often than not, somewhere around 40.

It's not quite a piece of cake, but it's not really that long either.  I've had commutes of less than 5 minutes (awesome!) and some that are nearly 3 hours when you count the walk from my house, to the bus, to the bart, to the bus and finally to work (horrible!). But all in all, time spent in commute has never been much of a bother to me. It's time to think. Good time to think, really. Rarely are you in an environment as quite, or at least static, if there is road noise, like the freeway. No intersections to manage, no interactions despite being surrounded by others and most importantly, no distractions that aren't your fault. This was maybe the one advantage of taking public transit before. Back then I would always have a cd player (remember those!) or mp3 player on me or at the very least, a pen and a pad. Back then I got so much writing done. Good times.

Fast forward to the present, and though I have nothing against it in general, I listen to the radio almost everyday on my drive and I couldn't be more upset with myself. Sure I can't read or write while driving, but I can control what I listen to! For me, the problem isn't so much that the radio is bad, quite the contrary. I find it soothing at times to listen to the mindless banter of the various DJ's on the pop stations. But when I have countless albums of great jazz, classical and, for a lack of a better term, conscious hip-hop & rock, why am I not taking the time to be inspired by the music I have loved enough to actually pay for? Additionally, Apple right now offers - FOR FREE - lectures from the top schools in the world through iTunesU! From the neutralness of my commute to work comes of my 2012 resolutions - at all times, be conscious of what your listening to.

The Good:

Roof over my family's head & food on the table.

When you really get down to it, if you look at all the times in history, now is pretty dang exciting - for better or worse. The internet is connecting people from around the globe and potentially giving democracy it's first chance ever to truly exist in it's purest form. The military industrial complex is growing exponentially and theoretically has the capabilities to blow up the planet. In other news, people are being paid to look absurdly tanned on some shore over ont he east coast and be filmed. It's a crazy world we live in and if there is another thing I've learned, its that there is a whole lot of crappy things happening in the world. I am not a tragedy denier. But neither will I ever deny that there are an infinite number of "bright sides" as well.

For those who know my interest in Game Theory, you may find these concepts familiar and everyone else, I'm fully confident you too will identify with the two options available. I can A) be timid about uncertainty, keeping a lack of attachment from the bright side in order to soften the blow of loss - which is bound to happen. Or B) I can dive in, head first enjoying the free fall, fully accepting the fate of tragedy below by resting assured that the depths of the pain that are sure to follow will only be a testament to the value I gave to the good in the leap of faith.

I choose B.

Parents (Part 2 of 4)

When the little one is upset, Daddy comes running to the rescue. Most of the time the comfort of my hand will soothe his anxiety, but only one person can quell his hunger: his mother. This is dedicated to mine.

While I'm tempted to write on the life giving prowess of my mother, this is something Sunshine (and females generally I imagine) can appreciate more. For me, it's all about life lessons and in this area she was not poor. One attribute that I value in myself over any other is one I inherited from my mom. As I've written before, prejudice is long from gone and to enter into an interracial marriage just 12 years after it was nationally legalized is the truest testament to my mother's wisdom with regards to appraising people.

Growing up I had friends that were white, black, mexican, chinese, japanese, indian, etc... Never once did I hear a sly comment made with reference to their ethnic background or cultural practices. In fact, even with regards to her acquaintances the same was true. Even with the horrible drivers in the bay area, only once in my lifetime did she get visibly upset, but again, her comments were only directed towards their actions, nothing else. And so, from the source of my sustenance, I learned that people are to be judged by their actions and not their cultural differences. This has proved invaluable.

You see, that books are to be judged by more than the art on the cover spans more than just its analogy to people. To critically assess information generally is a talent that takes practice to perfect. My mother was essential in this area. While most of my generation are completely and irrevocably committed to science as if it were a religion, my mother taught me that science too is not without emotion. It is not perfect, it makes mistakes. It's comforting coat of verifiability was not to mask the fact that public opinion - the greatest and most fickle variant in the universe - had a hand in what was to be considered truth. Newton was right: an object in motion tends to stay in motion until acted upon an outside source. However, nineteenth century scientist were wrong: Morphine is likely not a good way to kick an alcohol habit! (And later they would prescribe herion to help people kick their morphine habits) At the same time, she never once restricted me from loving and learning all I could about science. To quite the opposite, she aided in and encouraged my venture to the fullest extant of her abilities; devoting time, money and sleep towards my journey to a truthful and flourishing life.

For some time now I've been exceptionally happy with everything and I have someone that deserves thanks. And while we may continue to disagree on the letter of the law, we see the same spirit. It is on this branch where we nest and where we return to after flying through the world, my mother and I.

Thank You

~ Namaste ~