A Renewal of Appreciation

9 months ago I started a blog.
8 months ago I published my last entry...

Today, however, I am starting anew.

Before I had a focus on building a set of axioms to live by and while I can appreciate the advantages of such an angle, for now it does not fit my situation. At this juncture, no amount of will power of my own, nor direction of my loved ones can be held accountable for the amazingness that is right now. It is far beyond such a small scope. Through much thanks to the alignment of the entire universe, I feel myself to be in a position of no complaints. This is not to say that I don't have any complaints, but simply that I am in no position to actually dwell on them, or really give them any sort of credibility whatsoever. This is not because they are without merit - in and of themselves they are burdens to bear, that you can be sure of. But if I have learned anything over the course of my lifetime, it is that what you see depends as on much on what you think, as it does what is there. As a practice, I would like to go through three recent occurrences and my take on them.

First, the bad:

January 15th, 2012
New York Giants: 37
Green Bay Packers: 20

Let's just get it out in the open. As a co-owner, along with my wife and countless, committed fans, it was a disheartening day. It was not what the season amounted too and was not the best our team had to offer.

However, what cannot be ignored is the the true tragedy surrounding Joe Philbin, their offensive coordinator. To first have your son go missing, only to find him a week later dead in a river is something I cannot pretend to comprehend. When Alexander was born, there were complications to say the least. I struggled to make it through those trying days and I had yet to even meet him at that time. Now that we've gotten to know each other, to grow with each other, I am even further from imagining separation. Furthermore, while I can attempt to illustrate with words the bond between a father and his son, the thought of losing my partner... I cannot tell you what that means.

And fortunately I don't have to, but others have. As such, it is not my position to say, "Cheer up!" or, "Look at the bright side." No, rather, what I do is live my life as they would have, if they could have. Living every day with the full understanding of the blessing that it is and hopefully I will run into someone throughout my day who doesn't have a reason to smile - who knows, in me, she or he might find a one!

The Neutral:

I have a 30-75 minute commute to work - more often than not, somewhere around 40.

It's not quite a piece of cake, but it's not really that long either.  I've had commutes of less than 5 minutes (awesome!) and some that are nearly 3 hours when you count the walk from my house, to the bus, to the bart, to the bus and finally to work (horrible!). But all in all, time spent in commute has never been much of a bother to me. It's time to think. Good time to think, really. Rarely are you in an environment as quite, or at least static, if there is road noise, like the freeway. No intersections to manage, no interactions despite being surrounded by others and most importantly, no distractions that aren't your fault. This was maybe the one advantage of taking public transit before. Back then I would always have a cd player (remember those!) or mp3 player on me or at the very least, a pen and a pad. Back then I got so much writing done. Good times.

Fast forward to the present, and though I have nothing against it in general, I listen to the radio almost everyday on my drive and I couldn't be more upset with myself. Sure I can't read or write while driving, but I can control what I listen to! For me, the problem isn't so much that the radio is bad, quite the contrary. I find it soothing at times to listen to the mindless banter of the various DJ's on the pop stations. But when I have countless albums of great jazz, classical and, for a lack of a better term, conscious hip-hop & rock, why am I not taking the time to be inspired by the music I have loved enough to actually pay for? Additionally, Apple right now offers - FOR FREE - lectures from the top schools in the world through iTunesU! From the neutralness of my commute to work comes of my 2012 resolutions - at all times, be conscious of what your listening to.

The Good:

Roof over my family's head & food on the table.

When you really get down to it, if you look at all the times in history, now is pretty dang exciting - for better or worse. The internet is connecting people from around the globe and potentially giving democracy it's first chance ever to truly exist in it's purest form. The military industrial complex is growing exponentially and theoretically has the capabilities to blow up the planet. In other news, people are being paid to look absurdly tanned on some shore over ont he east coast and be filmed. It's a crazy world we live in and if there is another thing I've learned, its that there is a whole lot of crappy things happening in the world. I am not a tragedy denier. But neither will I ever deny that there are an infinite number of "bright sides" as well.

For those who know my interest in Game Theory, you may find these concepts familiar and everyone else, I'm fully confident you too will identify with the two options available. I can A) be timid about uncertainty, keeping a lack of attachment from the bright side in order to soften the blow of loss - which is bound to happen. Or B) I can dive in, head first enjoying the free fall, fully accepting the fate of tragedy below by resting assured that the depths of the pain that are sure to follow will only be a testament to the value I gave to the good in the leap of faith.

I choose B.