Happy Daddy's Day 2012

An enlightened friend of mine once posed the question, How do you balance order and freedom? Being the smart alec that I am, my quick answer was, "It depends on the desired outcome." While I wholly believe in the truth of this response, even in it's brevity, I would like to take this meaning of this day to expand upon what it entails.

As a father...

• I conform to the order of the world just enough to allow my child(ren) the freedom to make mistakes. 
• I order my daily activities for efficiency so that my family time has the freedom to live in the moment.
• I try to keep a first aid cabinet (and health insurance) in just enough order to allow them the freedom to experience pain with minimal worry. 
• I wish to act in a way such that my spousal relationship is in order so that those around us have the freedom to learn what love is.
• I will never order, demand, or enforce any personal desire out of respect for freedom.

And these are just a few of the lessons I've learned from a man who, when he was without work, helped others to find freedom that comes from their labor; a man who, when he was without health, responded with an openness to allow the universe the freedom to run its course; a man who, when he was far from family, allowed them freedom to find their own path, wherever that would lead them. 

Random as life may seem, Dad, every path in my life continues to bring me back to you. For this I am forever grateful.

Happy Daddy's Day

The Best Imitator in the World

is a child.

*     *     *

I recently returned from a beautiful road trip covering 1241 miles, (nearly 27 hours of driving, with a 14 month old), many along the California coast line. And while many thought my wife and I were a little on the loopy side for attempting such a trek with our little one, we both love road trips and we knew our children would have to be raised to love them too. And what a great start.

With so much fodder for discussion, I would like to take a moment to focus on one piece in particular that stuck out at me in the end. As any parent can tell you, if you are around a 1 to 3 year old, expect everything you do to be imitated, only more bluntly and with a better performance. And while many may joke about having to hide certain habits, lest their child repeat them, for one week my wife and I were inseparable from our child. That's roughly 200+ hours straight with the little guy.

And what a wonderful opportunity. If he is going to copy just about everything I do, then rather than attempt to hide my bad habits, why not discard them? In truth, if it is a habit that I wouldn't want him doing, thus I have to spend time away from him to do it myself, then it is serving all sorts of evil ends. Instead, for 10 days conduct myself exactly how I would like him to act. For me, one of my biggest issues is email. Being that it is part of my work, I am constantly on it, for both business and personal use. But both prohibit me from being in the moment with him if he is around. Even checking a quick message on my phone takes my mind away from being able to Live in the Moment (Thanks again Jason Mraz =) with Sunshine and Alexander. And while others may have the ability to multitask far better than I, I recognize I do not multitask well, and I learn to compensate for it.

When it comes to projects, I have lists upon lists for prioritization. A couple of things missing from nearly all of them comes my family. This comes not from an absence of them on my priority scale, but rather, they are the heading, the end goal, of each. If a particular project or action does not in some way contribute to my family, then it does not deserve my time. With email/messages, I've gotten fairly good at reserving it for times where Shine and Alex are sleeping or busy, but even checking it throughout the day has it's toll on my attention span. During the past 10 days, I checked email maybe twice, and only skimmed it for dire messages, then logged out. And while, in theory, it seems harmless enough to even reserve checking with the outside world to only once a day, I cannot accurately describe the difference, the impact, the longer time span has had.

Sunshine and I have been together for quite some time, in fact, since before the dawn of everyone and their mother and child has a cell phone. We've had time to bond like this before. But since AJ was old enough to properly have his sight, I've been back at work. Even holiday weekends meant time with the broader family, not nuclear family bonding time. So for us, this trip was particularly eye opening. At no point in the day did he have to face the reality that daddy has to go off somewhere. At no point in the day was my mind focused on the fact there is a life outside of these 10 days.

And now, the trip has come to an end. I'm at the desk checking my email again and, alas, there is life outside of the past 10 days. And what wonderful wonder that life goes on. Tomorrow, Monday, does not entail an end to what has transpired, but like all times in life, will find a home in a recess somewhere in our minds and our hearts. Good habits cultivated will continue. Strengthened bonds will continue to grow even stronger. And every time I sneeze, AJ will laugh, because it's pretty funny.

Sensual Pleasure

"Saw you on a Sunday afternoon 
Riding the B train 
Yes, I was coolin' on the train 
You had an air about you I had to know and soon 
First sight and I didn't 
Even mind the rain! 

Your glow was the ailment to all my pain inside 
I sat beside your body and asked your name 
Your fragrance made it hard to explain my plight 
Of how you're driving me insane"


~ Jezebel ~ Boyz II Men ~


First, yes, Boyz II Men, I went there. But what better inspiration can I use to make a plea to promote music that is genuinely sensual in nature? I am not here to say that this particular music be held at an esteem higher than other types. I just simply enjoy it and it is my wish to hear it played everywhere I am. For that is what would be totally awesome for me. 


And the question is often asked to any one who listens to music as often as I do, What kind of music do you like. I've always had a hard time answering this question because my immediate thought is good music. Plain and simple. Of course that is both true and useless at the same time because it is so reliant on such a highly contingent variable as taste. And lately I've re-fallen in love with Jason Mraz at the release of his most recent album, Love Is A Four Letter Word. But even with Jason's music, I had difficultly isolating the amazing factor, so to speak. But on the way home tonight, I choose not to chose and set my iPod on shuffle and this above song by Boyz II Men came on, and this lyric in particular stood out to me and then it hit me. I like sensual music, and by that, I mean that when I listen to it, every sense I have (the normal five plus intellect) is experiencing a sense of pleasure, or at the very least, positive neutrality. 


The lyric is sung in a rhythm and melody that, to my taste, makes my body (touch) sway just so; the talk of scents and sights excite my eyes and nose; even my mouth is involved, if only to utter the ever stressful introductory question, "what's your name?". Their voices are soothing and their word choice invigorates my imagination and my intellect, too, is considered. All in all, a lovely song. Much like many of my favorite songs across genres, from this one, to more contemporary artists like Jason or even classical ones like Beethoven.


And so, admitted though it may not always be appropriate to say to someone I've just met, the best I answer I can give to the question, What kind of music do I like? is music that offers sensual pleasure - in just the way I've described above. 

A Renewal of Appreciation

9 months ago I started a blog.
8 months ago I published my last entry...

Today, however, I am starting anew.

Before I had a focus on building a set of axioms to live by and while I can appreciate the advantages of such an angle, for now it does not fit my situation. At this juncture, no amount of will power of my own, nor direction of my loved ones can be held accountable for the amazingness that is right now. It is far beyond such a small scope. Through much thanks to the alignment of the entire universe, I feel myself to be in a position of no complaints. This is not to say that I don't have any complaints, but simply that I am in no position to actually dwell on them, or really give them any sort of credibility whatsoever. This is not because they are without merit - in and of themselves they are burdens to bear, that you can be sure of. But if I have learned anything over the course of my lifetime, it is that what you see depends as on much on what you think, as it does what is there. As a practice, I would like to go through three recent occurrences and my take on them.

First, the bad:

January 15th, 2012
New York Giants: 37
Green Bay Packers: 20

Let's just get it out in the open. As a co-owner, along with my wife and countless, committed fans, it was a disheartening day. It was not what the season amounted too and was not the best our team had to offer.

However, what cannot be ignored is the the true tragedy surrounding Joe Philbin, their offensive coordinator. To first have your son go missing, only to find him a week later dead in a river is something I cannot pretend to comprehend. When Alexander was born, there were complications to say the least. I struggled to make it through those trying days and I had yet to even meet him at that time. Now that we've gotten to know each other, to grow with each other, I am even further from imagining separation. Furthermore, while I can attempt to illustrate with words the bond between a father and his son, the thought of losing my partner... I cannot tell you what that means.

And fortunately I don't have to, but others have. As such, it is not my position to say, "Cheer up!" or, "Look at the bright side." No, rather, what I do is live my life as they would have, if they could have. Living every day with the full understanding of the blessing that it is and hopefully I will run into someone throughout my day who doesn't have a reason to smile - who knows, in me, she or he might find a one!

The Neutral:

I have a 30-75 minute commute to work - more often than not, somewhere around 40.

It's not quite a piece of cake, but it's not really that long either.  I've had commutes of less than 5 minutes (awesome!) and some that are nearly 3 hours when you count the walk from my house, to the bus, to the bart, to the bus and finally to work (horrible!). But all in all, time spent in commute has never been much of a bother to me. It's time to think. Good time to think, really. Rarely are you in an environment as quite, or at least static, if there is road noise, like the freeway. No intersections to manage, no interactions despite being surrounded by others and most importantly, no distractions that aren't your fault. This was maybe the one advantage of taking public transit before. Back then I would always have a cd player (remember those!) or mp3 player on me or at the very least, a pen and a pad. Back then I got so much writing done. Good times.

Fast forward to the present, and though I have nothing against it in general, I listen to the radio almost everyday on my drive and I couldn't be more upset with myself. Sure I can't read or write while driving, but I can control what I listen to! For me, the problem isn't so much that the radio is bad, quite the contrary. I find it soothing at times to listen to the mindless banter of the various DJ's on the pop stations. But when I have countless albums of great jazz, classical and, for a lack of a better term, conscious hip-hop & rock, why am I not taking the time to be inspired by the music I have loved enough to actually pay for? Additionally, Apple right now offers - FOR FREE - lectures from the top schools in the world through iTunesU! From the neutralness of my commute to work comes of my 2012 resolutions - at all times, be conscious of what your listening to.

The Good:

Roof over my family's head & food on the table.

When you really get down to it, if you look at all the times in history, now is pretty dang exciting - for better or worse. The internet is connecting people from around the globe and potentially giving democracy it's first chance ever to truly exist in it's purest form. The military industrial complex is growing exponentially and theoretically has the capabilities to blow up the planet. In other news, people are being paid to look absurdly tanned on some shore over ont he east coast and be filmed. It's a crazy world we live in and if there is another thing I've learned, its that there is a whole lot of crappy things happening in the world. I am not a tragedy denier. But neither will I ever deny that there are an infinite number of "bright sides" as well.

For those who know my interest in Game Theory, you may find these concepts familiar and everyone else, I'm fully confident you too will identify with the two options available. I can A) be timid about uncertainty, keeping a lack of attachment from the bright side in order to soften the blow of loss - which is bound to happen. Or B) I can dive in, head first enjoying the free fall, fully accepting the fate of tragedy below by resting assured that the depths of the pain that are sure to follow will only be a testament to the value I gave to the good in the leap of faith.

I choose B.