Choice and Destinations

AJ Update:

4 days left to expected due date.
Still chill'n in the womb, but I would too with this crappy weather we're having.
Shine's hungry, I'm tired.
We're as happy as can be =D

More Contemplation:

Choice cannot be explained in a vacuum.

Destinations cannot be explained in their entirety.

It is here that we can best understand the position of every parent everywhere. Assuming you wanted to be a parent (at the least, before you knew what you were getting yourself into), you made a choice.  That is, you saw that your future could either be one with or without children, and you took action to make the former a reality. In making this choice, you must have been aware that this choice would effectively affect and limit your choices (close to the point of removal) from here on out.

For instance: If you visit a friend's childless house it is often a fair assumption that the arrangement of their living conditions is a reflection of who they are as a person and where their priorities lie.  Visit a friend's house who has children and if you have any sympathy at all, you will look at their living conditions as something they must endure, not create.

A destination is a description of a point in time in its entirety.  When you hope to go to the store, there are numerous conditions that are unspoken in that hope. Not only do you hope to arrive at the store, you also would like it to be open; decently stocked; not overly busy; not understaffed; ample parking would be nice; etc... When you have children, you hope to make it to the store... and hopefully without having thrown the children out the window along the way.

And there is a funny thing about having a wish fulfilled. Once fulfilled, you don't get to simply coast - you must strive to maintain it. It is here I believe that most find the root of their anxiety. In the land of choices, people tend to make lots of choices, but rarely do much to maintain any of them.  I want to lose weight; I want to go shopping; I want to go to comedy shows; I want _____.  I too want things and so the last thing I would do is demonize desire like so many religions and philosophies have done before me.  Rather, I would like to practicalize and philosophize these desires: that is, to balance them.

I want a nice car, but not just any. I want an NSX. But I do not simply want the car.  The desire alone could entice me to neglect my previously fulfilled wishes and without continued effort to sustain them, they would fall away. Wishes like having a loving wife, having leisure time with friends and family and having children. I could put 100% into fulfilling my wish of getting the car, but if I sacrifice what I have now, then logically, upon getting the car, I will simply neglect it in favor of the new wish of the week. Thus I will put 100% into maintaining my currently fulfilled wishes and if I become increasing efficient, I may have a few % left over to dedicate to my side project. (Despite what sports coaches and motivational speakers everywhere claim, there is no such thing as giving more than 100%, period)

Furthermore, as is apparent to most husbands whose wives roll their eyes when it comes to their "toys", I want the car in such a way as it doesn't come before my maintaining my status as husband and father.  Thus, I don't simply want the car.  It's much more symbolic than that. I want to be in a position that I've flourished so well at being a husband and father that I've obtained enough excess supplies to purchase a leisure item. Additionally, I've also not made enemies such that'd I'd be too paranoid about damage to my new toy to be able to enjoy it. The object of the choice itself is organic. Should I, in the future, realize a contradiction between my currently fulfilled wishes and this new one, I must be willing to change it or drop it altogether.

Again, this is my path. One may not care much about being a husband, but only a father - or vice versa.  I am not here to say what choices are right or wrong. But only to warn that choices can only be made of particulars - and few at that - but never of destinations in their entirety. In trying to control everything, you are in control of nothing.

(As a side note: This goes especially to you business people who check in to my hotel expecting perfection. Perfection is a fictional goal that we strive for because we enjoy striving for it, not a reality that you deserve in any way, shape or form.)

Namaste.